Digging Myself Out of March

Hi everyone! Welcome to the first edition of my life updates! Crazy enough, it's already April! January felt like it went on forever, and February and March passed in the blink of an eye! I'll be honest. March was a bit of a rough month for me. I'm not really sure what triggered such a deep depressive episode. Was it my fears of change? The anniversary of a sexual assault? The anniversary of the death of a friend? Just my crippling anxiety? It could have been a combination of it all or none of it. With depression, sometimes it's hard to pinpoint a trigger. Sometimes, there's no trigger at all. Regardless of the why, it happened. And unfortunately, it was the worst depressive episode I've had in the last year. It felt like I was going nowhere with my life. I would never reach my goals. I wasn't deserving of a single ounce of happiness. In almost every aspect of my life, I was stuck in an intense paralysis. Everything was so difficult, even brushing my teeth. Then, suddenly it was the end of March and I realized just how bad I was feeling. I knew I couldn't continue on this path. I couldn't throw away everything I had worked so hard for. I deserved more than the life I had been living. At first, it was really really hard to take the first step toward climbing out of the hole I had dug myself. I knew I couldn't do it alone. So, I did the most difficult thing for me and opened up to my girlfriend. If anyone could offer support it was her. I told her everything from my school struggles to my fears about relationships. There were a lot of tears, but 'm so glad I talked to her. It felt good to get it off my chest. And her reaction was better than I could have ever imagined. She didn't treat me like a broken toy in need of fixing. She listened fully and offered her unwavering support. I never knew what unconditional love and support felt like until that moment. And my girlfriend opened up to me, too. It was an important moment for both of us. I feel like I can confidently put my full trust and heart in her hands. And now, we are stronger than ever. So with her support, I finally ripped off the Band-Aid and took the next step to returning to the life I want. Then, I took another step and another. It has taken some time and a whole lot of effort, but I feel much better. That doesn't mean I feel 100%, but I'm getting there. I'm very proud of myself for recognizing a depressive episode and working towards improving my mental health. And don't worry! April is filled with so many fun events so my next update will be much less serious and depressing. Thank you for reading!